I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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