he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
