I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Alive.
So much puke
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
