okay pat passed out under dana's car
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
