Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
