I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
