I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Randomize
