Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
