Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
A+ Viking dick
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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