I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
