im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
