I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Randomize
