whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
