i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Houston, we have a blender
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Randomize
