How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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