and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
