Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Randomize
