i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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