I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Randomize
