He is such a slut. More and more my type.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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