2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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