he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
