yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
