I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
