i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
