there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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