I've blown a few things in my day
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
