Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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