I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
