I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
