The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
