R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
