South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
