I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
