Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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