I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
