Ambien. No doubt about it.
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Randomize
