maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Randomize
