I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
last night I used snow as a chaser
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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