That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
