"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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