so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
