i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
