I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
We need to get me chipped asap
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Randomize
