I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
