I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize
