I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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