Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Randomize
