You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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