in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
