Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
