Yo dont text me then not text me
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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