It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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