1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
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