Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
