If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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