i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
